Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Not All Bad

I know in my post yesterday it may have seemed like things are rough on the marriage front, but when I really think about it, that's not really true.  Yes, we may be going through a rough patch over all, but I can't think that things are all bad.

There have been changes for us to deal with over the last several months that have probably contributed to the stress I am feeling in our relationship.  I would like to think that the worst is behind us.  In July, hubby started a graduate program in a school that is about 2 1/2 hours from where we live.  We thought he would work on his master's and continue subbing.  We lived in our house in Central Arkansas for the summer so he was only 30 minutes away from school.  That really made everything seem like a piece of cake.  Then we came back to Northwest Arkansas when it was time for school to start.  Hubby started out subbing, but then had an offer to become an instructional assistant at my school.  We thought this was a super opportunity, and in reality it is.  He gets to work everyday, which means more income and benefits.  Yay!  But, with this new job came a lot more responsiblities and time commitments.  Plus, he is taking 12 graduate hours.  Some are online, but he does have to drive back and forth to school 1-2 times a week.

When I look back on this, I absolutely see why we are in a rough patch.  We are having to make a lot of adjustments, but they are going to be totally worth it in the end.  So since I was all gloom and doom yesterday, I thought today I would focus on the good things in our marriage.

1.  Love-we definitely have love for each other and we say it everyday and really mean it.  I know I mean it when I say it and am pretty positive hubby does too.  It's not something we just throw around.  That daily reminder of love really helps me get through.

2.  Support- we support each other to achieve our goals.  With both of us working full time and going to school, we do support each other and never begrudge when homework has to take time away from each other. 

3.Dealing with each other's quirks.  I can definitely say that hubby is better at this one than I am.  I tend to be high strung and get upset/in a frenzy over things and hubby patiently deals with them.  He knows that is just part of who I am.  I really want to get better about his quirks.  However, I have already grown in that area.  I am more accepting of who he is.

4.  Faith-we both have faith that there are three of us in this relationship.  With God's blessing, we can make it through anything together.  I pray often for our relationship and that it will continue to strengthen.

5.  Joint Responsibility-we both take responsibility for the relationship working.  It's going to take both of us to make our relationship work and our household function.  For the most part we work together to get chores done.  I don't feel that taking care of the house or other mundane things is solely my responsibility.  We tend to divide and conquer those things.  Hubby will probably never understand how much I truly appreciate that.

6.  Together and Separate-we have never been one of those couples who has to spend every minute together to be happy.  We have also never been one of those couples where we had to ask each other permission to do something or spend money.  I know people in those types of relationships and am thankful to not have one.  I love spending time together and doing things together, but I also love a little alone time.  We always tell each other what we are doing, but more because we want to, not that we have to.  Controlling spouses drive me crazy and I am thankful hubby is one of them.

This list could go on and on, but now that I stop and think we have a lot more good going on than bad.  I am a thankful girl for that!

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