I look at the title of my blog, "Journal of Our Blessed Life" and I am really disappointed in myself. Even though I know I am blessed and I can verbalize it, I don't always live like I believe it. One of those times would be right now.
I look at the time on the computer and it says 12:32 AM. I am still up working/playing on the computer instead of being in bed with hubby asleep. Why? I'm not really sure. I know we were kind of
upset irritated with each other. The irritation stemmed from us being stubborn with each other. Instead of letting go of the irritation, I dwelled on it and in my mind made it something much worse than it is.
I pouted, wouldn't speak, and went to another room. Real adult-like, I know! This was almost 3 hours ago. Now I must pay the consequences of my decision. Those consequences include: a bad mood, a lack of sleep, and complete frustration with myself. I will continue to deal with these consequences throughout the day.
Things would have been much simpler if I had just let go. Hubby would have/was willing to let go so that we could have a good night, but I wanted no part of the compromise. I'm not sure why. This is not the kind of person I want to be. I don't enjoy being stubborn and rigid, so why do I do it. It is a definite weakness I have. I need to make the choice to stop.
Hubby and I together have been making an effort to read the Bible more, attend church regularly, and grow deeper in our faith in preparation of growing our family. I do these things and yet I seem to forget the kind of person I want to be the minute things don't go my way.
Wow! That was a big realization for me. I am still selfish and child-like in so many ways. I pray that God will help to overcome the type of person I am and help me in my journey to becoming the type of person I want to be. I need to start with the ability to let go of the small, inconsequential things.