Letting Go

I look at the title of my blog, "Journal of Our Blessed Life" and I am really disappointed in myself.  Even though I know I am blessed and I can verbalize it, I don't always live like I believe it.  One of those times would be right now.

I look at the time on the computer and it says 12:32 AM.  I am still up working/playing on the computer instead of being in bed with hubby asleep.  Why?  I'm not really sure.  I know we were kind of upset irritated with each other.  The irritation stemmed from us being stubborn with each other.  Instead of letting go of the irritation, I dwelled on it and in my mind made it something much worse than it is.

I pouted, wouldn't speak, and went to another room.  Real adult-like, I know!  This was almost 3 hours ago.  Now I must pay the consequences of my decision.  Those consequences include: a bad mood, a lack of sleep, and complete frustration with myself.  I will continue to deal with these consequences throughout the day.

Things would have been much simpler if I had just let go.  Hubby would have/was willing to let go so that we could have a good night, but I wanted no part of the compromise.  I'm not sure why.  This is not the kind of person I want to be.  I don't enjoy being stubborn and rigid, so why do I do it.  It is a definite weakness I have.  I need to make the choice to stop.

Hubby and I together have been making an effort to read the Bible more, attend church regularly, and grow deeper in our faith in preparation of growing our family.  I do these things and yet I seem to forget the kind of person I want to be the minute things don't go my way.

Wow!  That was a big realization for me.  I am still selfish and child-like in so many ways.  I pray that God will help to overcome the type of person I am and help me in my journey to becoming the type of person I want to be.  I need to start with the ability to let go of the small, inconsequential things.